I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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