drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
