have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
