watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I want to fling myself into the sun
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
