Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
