Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Come see our sink grown plant.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
