I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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