WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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