So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize