pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
