She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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