i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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