they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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