Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
