He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize
