Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
