She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You are the jesus of drinking
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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