I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
