her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
