question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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