A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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