there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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