What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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