my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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