i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
