not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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