I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
