I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
