Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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