Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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