Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
