Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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