Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
