my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Damn victory sex feels great
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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