you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
