Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
