He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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