It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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