last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
