You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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