I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im six kinds of drunk right now
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
