You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
why is half of my head shaved?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
