I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
