No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
