I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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