So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
