I just gift wrapped bread.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
