An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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