My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
