Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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