How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
why is half of my head shaved?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
